From Performance Anxiety to Performance Psychology: My Journey
This is the first blog post in a series I’m creating to share insights and stories from my journey as a performer and performance psychology consultant. Please check back regularly for more blog posts and free performance psychology content here at Performance Forte.
“That moment was a cocktail of embarrassment, guilt, and frustration.”
Early Struggles with Performance Anxiety
My first memories of performance anxiety date back to high school, during auditions for the Texas All-Region and All-State Bands. One particular audition is seared into my memory: I had forgotten to set up the correct second page of my sheet music for an audition excerpt. Realizing this mid-performance, I had to stop, find the correct page, and restart.
The adjudicators, sitting with their backs to me behind a curtain, couldn’t see what happened—but they could hear the disruption. Meanwhile, dozens of my peers and competitors were in the room, watching. That moment was a cocktail of embarrassment, guilt, and frustration. I vividly recall how these feelings lingered, reinforcing the pressures I felt as a young musician in a competitive environment.
“My performance anxiety stemmed from a deep fear of others’ judgment, and without a theoretical framework, I found it hard to break free from this mindset.”
Discovering Performance Psychology
In college as a music performance major, I began to learn that performance anxiety wasn’t unique to me. My trombone professor introduced me to performance psychology books, sparking my interest in the mental side of performing.
One of the first books I read was The Mental Edge by Kenneth Baum. My notes from that time reflect early glimpses of concepts I now use professionally, though I lacked the deeper understanding I’d later develop. Another impactful book was I’m Here to Win by Chris McCormack, a legendary triathlete. McCormack’s aggressive self-talk and unshakable confidence fascinated me. As someone who didn’t naturally exude boldness, I found his approach educational and inspiring, even though it didn’t align with my personality.
Despite these insights, I struggled to apply the concepts meaningfully. My performance anxiety stemmed from a deep fear of others' judgment, and without a theoretical framework, I found it hard to break free from this mindset.
Graduate Studies and Breakthroughs
At the Manhattan School of Music, I took a transformative course called Practice Techniques, taught by Carol Ann Aicher. This class introduced me to Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns, where I first encountered Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Learning about cognitive distortions and how they influenced my fears was eye-opening. I realized I didn’t have to be a prisoner to my automated doubts and insecurities.
Yet, even with this new knowledge, I found it challenging to consistently translate these tools into improved performance outcomes. I still felt anxious during public performances and auditions, unable to perform at the level I knew I was capable of achieving.
“I learned how misplaced motivations, negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and perfectionist tendencies had undermined my performances.”
Professional Growth and International Experience
After earning my degrees, I returned to Texas to freelance as an orchestral musician and teacher. My confidence received a significant boost when I won a video audition to play with the Finnish Radio Symphony Orchestra. Performing internationally with one of the world’s great ensembles was a career milestone that validated my abilities and fueled my desire for continued growth.
Back in the U.S., I began performing with major orchestras like the Dallas Symphony and Houston Symphony. These experiences were thrilling but also nerve-wracking. Feelings of imposter syndrome crept in, but over time, I discovered that I could rise to the challenges posed by these high-pressure environments.
The Decision to Pursue Performance Psychology
When my wife and I moved to San Francisco, I found myself with extra time to reflect and grow. I sought out a Tony Robbins Results Coach, and through our sessions, I gained clarity on my performance barriers and career aspirations. This period led me to pursue a Master’s degree in Sport and Performance Psychology.
Each course in my program deepened my understanding of performance anxiety and the tools needed to address it. I learned how misplaced motivations, negative self-talk, limiting beliefs, and perfectionist tendencies had undermined my performances. With scientifically-backed strategies, I began to experience a shift—performing closer to my level of preparation and with less fear about external judgment.
“...the combination of being an active professional performer and a performance psychologist is rare. My mission is to bridge this gap by sharing both my professional experience and psychological insights with others.”
Sharing My Journey
Armed with this knowledge, I developed a program to help other musicians and performers navigate their mental challenges. Performance psychology for the performing arts remains a niche field, with leaders like Don Greene and Noa Kageyama paving the way. However, the combination of being an active professional performer and a performance psychologist is rare.
My mission is to bridge this gap by sharing both my professional experience and psychological insights with others. Helping fellow artists unlock their potential and achieve self-actualization is deeply gratifying. I hope this blog series will provide valuable insights and inspire you on your own journey toward confident and fulfilling performance.
What’s your experience with performance anxiety? Feel free to share your stories or questions with me. I’d love to hear from you and help guide you toward your best self.